I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
