I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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