Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
