I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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