i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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