I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
