Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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