Will you blow on my dice?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
