the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
