i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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