Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You made out with two different species that night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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