You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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