i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
