eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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