I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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