Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize