3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
