What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
