"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
