if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
