You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
