I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
