Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
