yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is Oprah even human
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She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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