Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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