I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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