HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
