Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
