I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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