She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
