i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
