i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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