This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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