I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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