Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
