Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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