I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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