I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
