stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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