im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
