Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How does one acquire holy water?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
