I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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