this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
