You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
