it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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