Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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