oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drake has all the answers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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