i think i have two assholes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
