My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
