I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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