So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
