I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
