i don't plan on having that self control this summer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The uberlube is also flammable
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize