whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
