He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
