Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
