I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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