Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just cut my nipple shaving
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
