Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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