btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
