o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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