At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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