i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
