Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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