# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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