Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize