when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have post one night stand depression
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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