Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
